I lot of my trouble is locating where some things are. I would like to be able to ask young Thomas but I hardly see him and when I do he is speechless. Then, when I ask William, he becomes impatient. He actually was mad at me this morning for asking where the billows were for the fireplace. It surprised me and I tried not to cry. William just walked out of the house and I did not see him until later that day. I think he spent the time in his laboratory.
He was apologetic that evening and declared that my room was ready. He has made up a room at the end of the house. It is a very pretty room that captures the evening light and looks down on the grove of trees leading to the pond. It also has its own little fireplace in it. William has selected several antique chairs and other fine furniture from the attic. He has also hung a grand looking mirror on the wall. William said they were just some extra furnishings that were kept in the attic. I have never had such pretty things that I could call my own and feel very much like a princess.
I cooked for most of the day but William did not say anything about the meal. It hurt me a little. I suppose his mind is on more important things. I would have liked it if he had tried to make this day special for both of us since he will be leaving very soon but he didn’t. Except for the meal, it was like any other day.
I cried - It made me so happy!
Mr. Clayton has come back and brought a letter from Milly. I have not had a chance to read it. I am preparing William a special meal. This will be our first holiday with each other and our last one for some time.
I will have to thank Milly again for the book. It is a lifesaver – or at least a dinner saver! I am cooking a couple of small potted pigeons with a piece of salt pork and stuffing inside. I am also boiling some very good-looking beets I found in the cellar. We will have that with some bread rolls and butter. I have not decided if I should make something sweet or not.
I do plan to make up a plate for Thomas. While William is busy in his study I am going to sneak out and set a pretty table for the boy in his home. I found an attractive table cloth and a couple of little candles to make the occasion seem more festive. I think I will write him a little note and tell him how thankful I am for him being here with me. I hope I can make a friend out of him.
Mr. Clayton also brought news for William. He will have to leave the first of December.
He nearly stumbled over himself when he came into the kitchen and discovered I was there. He looked completely frightened and I thought he was going to flee back out the door. William came in just then and Thomas checked himself. Instead of running he dropped his head quickly and looked at the floor.
I said hello to him, very quietly, as I did not want to add to his discomfort. He didn’t respond until William prompted him to. Even then it was barely audible. William demanded that he speak to me properly and I was astonished at William’s tone. He practically ordered him as if he was a slave. I wish I had the courage to tell William that his tone wasn’t necessary but I don’t feel like I can.
The boy raised his head and in doing so lost the blanket that was around his shoulders. I received another shock when I noticed that his arm was bandaged. I must have gasped because Thomas’s head rose again and he looked completely frightened. He wasn’t looking at me though – he was looking at William.
I recovered and asked him what had happened. He stumbled over his words and William answered for him. Apparently he had fallen out of a tree some time ago and broke his arm. William told me he bandaged it himself.
Thomas bolted from the kitchen as soon as William finished his story.
What a strange and scared little lad.
I asked William more about him and he said that he had found Thomas on the streets in Philadelphia. He had no family and had been on his own for a very long time. At first, William said, he hired the boy to run little errands for him while he was in his medical studies. Then, after graduation, he convinced the boy to come and stay with him.
Poor little man – what a hard life. But I still can’t excuse William for speaking to him that way or forget the way Thomas looked at him.
I did get a glimpse of the houseboy William mentioned. At least I think it was him. All I saw was a figure walking away from the main house towards the old servant’s homes - just a dark silhouette in the mist.
It was a very quiet day. William looked at the mark on my cheek and was pleased that it has almost completely vanished. In fact he said he could hardly tell it had ever been there.
William spent the day packing and organizing his things. He can’t take much so he is trying to prioritize them. He wants to bring as many of his own medical tools as possible. The reports of field medicine are horrific and he won’t stand for using “whatever is laying around” to treat the wounded and sick.
The main problem is that he is afraid he may have to carry all of his belongings, personal and medical, in a pack on his back at some point. He doesn’t want to risk them being left in the medical wagon or tent. I can understand his misgivings. He treats his medical equipment like an extension of himself.
I suggested that I sew him a special haversack with pockets specially sized for each of his smaller devices. After I described it to him he eagerly agreed. He sent Mr. Clayton into town to pick up a few things for the house and my cloth order. It feels wonderful to be doing something that will help him. I love showing William that I am capable, creative, and practical.
While we were in the study I noticed the portrait of a very beautiful, if not exotic, looking girl. When I commented on it he told me it was his younger sister and that he did not like having the portrait displayed. She died several years ago and his Mother would not allow him to take her picture down.
It really is too bad. I would have liked to have another girl in the house to share things with.
I also did not know that the property contained separate servant’s quarters just a little way from the main house. They do not have anyone living in them now except for a houseboy. I have not met him yet but I am sure to run into him.
The property has not had the care of a gardener for some time but it is still charming. The overgrown yard and bushes surrounding the house make it look like part of the natural landscape. A small path on the West side leads into a little grove of woods which hide a charming pond. Another path winds down into a valley. Looking down into it is like looking into a painting. The fall trees are magnificent and their warm red and yellow leaves blanket the hillside. I fell in love with the spot instantly and I can’t wait to walk along the path and explore the area alone sometime.
I asked William if there were any other people living close by but he said there were not. They used to have neighbors to the South but they moved away when their sons were killed in the war. My heart ached for the family – or perhaps for me. The war is still very young but there are so many losses. I don’t want William to be among them.
We spent the rest of the day walking around the property and talking. I was a little self-conscious at first but by the end of the afternoon we were holding hands and chatting freely. He even kissed me underneath a huge golden maple tree.
He hardly looked at me. I feel like my heart is going to break. I let him down. I acted like a naive child.
He knows so much of the world and I have been nowhere and done nothing.
I did meet him. It was thrilling at first, thought I know I shouldn’t have done it. I slipped out of my room a few moments after I heard Mr. Clayton close his door below me. I waited in the hall for quite a long time before I crept downstairs.
William was waiting for me in the study. I actually peaked into the room and watched him for a few moments before I went in. He lit just one small lamp and built a cozy little fire.
He beamed when I came in and was so distracted that he tripped over a little end table and sent if to the floor. We both stood perfectly still waiting for our vigilant chaperone to spring in on both of us - of course it never happened. The look on his face was priceless! Then we both broke out in stifled laughter as he set things right.
William had also arranged a small picnic for us. Somehow he managed to smuggle in a delicious loaf of bread, a little bit of cheese, and a rather large bottle of wine, along with the glasses and a knife. He described how he brought each item in here, one by one, right under Mr. Clayton’s nose. By the end of his story were giggling so hard we could barely drink.
I am a little embarrassed…fine…a lot embarrassed. We both must have had a little too much to drink. That and the warm comfortable atmosphere of the event went to my head. We were sitting very close to eachother when William said, “C’est un moment à trésor.” I was surprised and told him so. I didn’t know he spoke French. He laughed again and said he did it very poorly then slipped his arm around me and kissed me.
It wasn’t like the little kisses we have shared before. It was slow and soft at first. Then it grew into something more - it was passionate. All the emotions we have kept hidden, the love and the fear, were coming out at once. His embrace grew more and more possessive. His body was hard and demanding against mine. Then I felt cold panic bloom in my chest and I tried to pull away. He wouldn’t let go and I shoved him back. He fell to the floor and cursed.
I was immediately apologizing. I didn’t mean to. He got up and walked out! He went upstairs and left me alone. I regret having gone to him. I made an awful mess of it all and am not looking forward to the inevitable discomfort tomorrow morning.
I am so childish! Why did I do it? But what would have happened if I hadn’t?
I’m not experienced in these things! I hate it. I wish I were sophisticated and elegant. I have made a mess of it all! I have embarrassed and disappointed him.
William showed me her account books and wrote a short list of things I will need to take care of every month. Her neat and orderly accounts record every expenditure and profit in a very precise manner. William believes that I will do as well but has engaged the services of a solicitor to make sure I have money available to me. He is also someone I can contact for any other needs regarding the property.
It is a lot to learn in such a short time and I am doing my best to be a good student. I love this time I have with William and am a bit distracted in his presence. I try to remember each moment, every look, the feel of his hand on mine, the strength in his arms, and the softness of his hair. I don’t want to imagine him not coming home from the war but I know it is a real probability.
He says I shouldn’t worry so much and that he knows his property will be in the best of hands during his absence. Then he will return, we will marry, and he will start his own practice here in Eadenwood. It sounds perfect.
I can imagine myself being happy here – warm and comfortable with him for many years.
He wants me to meet him later tonight after Mr. Clayton has gone to bed. Yes, I know it is not appropriate but it is exciting. Fortunately for us, Mr. Clayton is an old man and sleeps heavily. He tries to keep an eye on us and be the ideal chaperone but he can’t keep up.
It is much larger than I had expected and filled with unique and strange items his Father had collected. William says he was a ship’s captain and met many exceptional people from all around the world. You can see the pride William has for him.
We took a quick tour of the rooms together so that I may get my bearings. I still have not been able to see the house from the outside or any of the grounds. The storm has not let up and William refuses to let me out in it. He is afraid it would not be good on my health.
He looked at the mark on my cheek again this morning, just as soon as I came downstairs. He asked what had happened and I had no answer for him. I suppose I could have made something up - told him I hit me cheek during the ride here or something - but what good would that do? He is a doctor and would know the difference between a bruise and a burn.
William says it may leave a pale mark on my skin when it heals but nothing extremely noticeable. He just kissed it lightly and changed the subject. No doubt, he probably thinks I burnt it while trying to iron my hair or some other girlish vanity.
Mr. Clayton, the poor man, is feeling a bit down. The cold and wet drive here was not kind to him. William has made him comfortable in one of the lower rooms and he will be staying with us until William leaves.
Until then, I am looking forward to spending time with William. He doesn’t talk about his departure or the war for my sake. I do know that he will be joining a group of volunteer infantrymen in Credo.
Finally, some time to myself. My body aches all over. It was a long trip made worse by heavy rain. Mr. Clayton considered stopping a couple of times because the road was drenched and muddy but Father’s reliable horses kept going. We arrived here about a half hour ago. William is allowing me to rest in his room since mine is not ready. I am grateful for his thoughtfulness and the large fire. My hands are so cold that I can hardly write, but I have to…
He was there, my shadow, waiting for me as I left my house. He wasn’t across the street as usual - he was just a few steps away from my carriage. I didn’t see him until I was nearly at the carriage myself. I froze. I couldn’t move or think. I am relieved that my family had said their goodbyes while we were inside and were not there to witness his presence. He came so close to me! I could see myself in his eyes. They were beautiful crystal eyes. Then he touched me. He took off one of his gloves stroked my cheek. His touch was very light but hot, so hot that it burned. William even noticed a red mark on my cheek as soon as I took off my bonnet. It is still a little painful.
But then Mr. Clayton came out of the house. My shadow slipped back from me into the darkness. His departure was sudden and I swear I could feel him leave me - physically feel him or, rather, the absence of him.
When he departed my senses returned. I gasped for air. It felt like I hadn’t taken a breath the entire time. I quickly climbed inside without waiting for Mr. Clayton to help me in.
He was so strange and beautiful….
He was so strange and beautiful….
I am so nervous.
William went ahead of me to make things ready for my arrival.
Mr. Clayton has all my things loaded and ready to go. It will be a long drive and he does not think we will arrive before two or three in the morning. The only thing to do now is say goodbye to everyone. It may be some time before I come back to visit.
Mother was quiet and fidgeted a lot with my dress and hair. Milly asked Father if she could come with me, just for a few days, but Father refused. He wants her home to look after Mother’s health and keep the house running smoothly through this transition.
Mother gave me a stack of writing paper tied up in pretty pink ribbon. She also gave me one of Grandmother’s quilts.
I must go now.
Everyone else has gone to bed but I can’t sleep. I feel like I need to absorb this feeling of home. I know that William’s home will be mine now, but it won’t be the same. I guess I am just a little nostalgic even though I have not yet left.
I have lived in these rooms since I was three. I want to remember it just as it is. Even the draft from under the door, the loose brick in the hearth, and the ink stains on this writing desk are precious to me.
I used to sit right here, on Mother’s knee, as she read letters from her brothers and her parents. They would wrap me in warm blankets and lay me near the fire when I was sick. Milly and I used to hide behind the door and try to frighten Father when he came in from work. All these events feel more important now then they ever did.
Oh, I guess I am just being silly. I have an exciting and beautiful life ahead of me.
Since William informed my Father that I will be leaving very soon, Father wanted to move his study upstairs into my room. First we finished packing up all my things, not that there was a whole lot, and then we moved all my furniture out. There wasn’t a lot of that either but it was heavy work.
Yesterday, after we carried in Fathers desk, chair, and somehow managed to fit his bookshelves in the room, I packed books from one room to the other – up and down the stairs all day.
I am happy to do the work though. It means I do not have to be close to the window. Every time I am in that room I have an urge to look out the window and see if that man is down there looking up at me.
I am sure now that it was a man. The image of his face just outside my window has passed through the terror I immediately felt and settled into something more real and understandable. He was so pale. His skin was nearly white and his hair was flaxen. His eyes were the most amazing thing - pale blue like frozen ice.
I still feel the fear when I imagine it…him…but I also feel something else - curiosity.
But it doesn’t really matter now does it? I will be in William’s home and away from this place soon.
I was walking in the woods with Elijah when we came upon a woman on a horse. She directed us to a small inn or tavern full of men. They were all dressed about the same and were dirty. One man came up to us. I didn’t like the looks of him. He was a big man, unshaved, with a dangerous air about him.
He said something to me which I can not now remember. Then he started to tell me a story about a young woman. I could see it in my head as if I were happening right in front of me.
The young woman, who was serving drinks, was wearing a beautiful pale blue dress but, with every man she served, her dress became darker and darker until it was a deep purple - so deep it looked black unless the light from the table lamps struck it just right.
I woke up before the man could tell me who she was or what she had done.
He ran off with it, I took after him, and Milly took after me. I dare say, we shocked more than one bystander on the street with our behavior – but it was fun. By the time I caught up with him in the garden behind the hotel Milly had given up the chase and I was out of breath. Elijah looked as though he had just taken a leisurely stroll. He was pleased with himself beyond measure.
I warned him that I would tell his Grandmother about his boyish behavior and he reluctantly consented to return my shawl to me. He has been teasing me like this since I was six. Only, back then, I was less concerned with decorum and could chase him down.
He took my arm and we walked around the little garden as we waited for Milly. His company, when he is not behaving badly, is usually very comforting. This time he seemed distracted.
He stayed silent for a few moments then said he had seen the announcement of my engagement in the paper. He told me I should have waited for him. I laughed and said it would be unseemly to be engaged to my own dear brother. I meant it as a joke and he laughed, but it didn't sound natural. Then he said there was no possible way I could be his sister. I think he was just about to say something else when Milly came around the corner.
We spent the rest of the afternoon together. Milly and Elijah did most of the talking. She informed him of all the arrangements that had been made. He asked a lot of polite questions between teasing Milly and me.
It was a very entertaining afternoon. I felt like a little girl myself. The shopping, laughing, cheerful conversation has put me into a wonderful mood. Everything seems much brighter and more beautiful – especially my future.
We decided that we had better purchase some cloth for a couple of new dresses first. Milly believes I should have at least one new dress ideal for housekeeping and one prettier one for the day. She said she wouldn’t want anyone at my new home to think I was unkempt. We also found the most beautiful deep brown material that accentuated my dark hair and eyes. Milly said it would be beautiful for an evening gown. Milly thinks it may be so becoming I will want to wear it for my wedding – I think she may be right! She matched it with some black lace and a pair of beautiful gloves. They are sending the whole bundle to Father’s house this afternoon.
We also stopped and purchased some beautiful oval soap molds and all the waxes, tallow, and just about everything else we could think of. William said the place had not been properly kept up since his Mother had become frail in her late years. It was a lot of fun! Milly and I constantly talked about my future and the kind of life I would have.
“Being a doctor’s wife is such an important role” she said, “You will have a lot of responsibility but a lot to be proud of.” She’s right. I am already so proud of William and, even though I am still nervous, excited for my new life.
Then we headed to the baker’s for some lunch. We had the most delicious little cakes and sat just outside the door watching other people pass by. Before I finished, Milly darted into a book shop just up the street and came back with something under her wrap.
“I have something for you,” she said. “I know you are feeling a little overwhelmed and I thought this might help.” What she gave me was probably the most thoughtful gift I have ever received – Mrs. Ellis’s Housekeeping Made Easy. Milly apologized for it being a bit old, having been printed in 1843, but I told her not to worry. It has everything I could need.
Mother’s calling me now. I will have to finish this later.
Father refuses to let us marry before William departs. He said he will not allow me to become a widow at such a young age. If something happened to William while he was serving the Union my future would be deeply shadowed by his death. It doesn’t seem fair to me but if William consented then I must do the same.
“It isn’t a pleasant thought but it must be considered,” William reminded me several times today.
Father did agree to one of William’s conditions though. It seems that William’s Mother was invited to live with relatives. So, in her absence, I will be living in William’s home. It will be my responsibility to keep the place up and tend to all the necessities of running his household. Father believes it will better prepare me for my role as a wife.
The idea is a little frightening. If they had asked me what I wanted I doubt I would have agreed to do it. There is so much to consider. I have never been away from home. I have never been fully responsible for anything! I known what is expected of me but there is so much to do.
Mother is deeply agitated but has tried to keep herself under control. Milly accepted Father’s decision almost immediate and started writing a list of things I will need to take with me, to buy, and to remember. Mrs. Clayton is expected to help me pack and Mr. Clayton will me driving me to my new home as soon as William’s Mother is safely on her way.
William wants us to have a portrait taken. He said he will not depart without one and has already made an appointment for our sitting tomorrow.
Everything is moving so quickly and no one has asked me what I want – even if they did I doubt I could give them an answer – I feel so disorganized.
The Clayton’s are a different sort of people - quiet and kind in their own peculiar way, I suppose. They take a certain amount of getting used to. Mrs. Clayton is very mothering and has an overwhelming presence depicted strictly in her stance. Mr. Clayton is very much the same way. He may just nod or give you a look but his message and intentions are very clear.
Anyway, Milly is trying her best to keep me busy as Father and William continue to meet behind closed doors. Father is even riding into the country to visit William’s Mother tomorrow. Neither of them seem to think I need to know what they are talking about. I watch them come and go but do not have the faintest idea.
Father did consent to an announcement in the paper. Milly surprised me with it yesterday evening. It seemed very sudden, but both William and Father know some of the men who run the paper. I’m sure they had no trouble placing the notice.
To ease tensions, I have decided to return to my room. I asked Milly to close the curtains when she went in there to tidy up. I told her it was to keep the chill out. I have no intention of going anywhere near that window. I may even ask Milly to help move my bed away from it.
I want to focus on my future – not on what has been haunting me.
Father was matter-of-fact. He asked the appropriate questions to put his mind at rest. Mother was astonished, then delighted, then worried. Milly was pleasant. I could tell it upset her though. She is very traditional. I think she always thought she would marry first. And why not? She is nearly eight years older than I am. I do feel a little sorry for her.
They all hugged me and congratulated William. I love to write that name. William Darion - My Fiancé.
Father offered up a toast to our happiness then Mother and Milly pulled me away to the kitchen to prepare a fitting meal. William stayed with Father. I suppose they had a lot to talk about.
William left after dinner. He didn’t seem very happy.
His restlessness at dinner and his quick departure took away that warm comfortable feeling I have had since he came to see me on the 1st. All these thoughts and images are filling my head again.
I haven’t thought about the figure outside my window, I haven’t wanted to. I actually avoid the windows and have slept here, in the sitting room, since it happened.
The face was terrible. I can't write about it yet. It's too upsetting.
There is so much to think about but I just can’t seem to focus.
Mrs. William Darion
Mrs. Wm. Darion
Mrs. Elizabeth Darion
He asked me to marry him!
He is speaking with Father right now.
I am so nervous…
He asked me what had happened the other night. I told him I was very tired that evening and that it must have been a bat or a large bird that flew past my window and startled me. I think he accepted it easily because he is so worried about his wellbeing.
I am too.
I can hardly think of anything else! Knowing he is close has been a comfort for so many years – ever since I was sick. He didn’t try to fix me back then, he tried to understand me. That made all the difference.
But now he will be going. I have heard the stories and listened to Father’s accounts of a soldier’s life. It’s awful! I don’t think I can sleep.
My heart aches.
He greeted my family with the usual kindness and listened carefully to their description of the other night. He asked a few questions and received long streams of speculation for his troubles. I couldn’t look at him but I could feel his scrutiny.
Somehow, he managed to quiet their fears and wished them to go on with their day as he talked with me. In most households leaving us together would be improper but he has their trust and we take full advantage of it.
After he closed the door to the sitting room he came straight to me and knelt at me feet. The worry in his eyes nearly made me cry. I knew right away something was wrong. I also knew that this was my opportunity. I wouldn’t have to tell him anything about the other night if I could focus him on whatever was on his mind. It wasn’t hard.
“I have to leave,” he told me. “The way they are treating the soldiers is inhumane. Remember Dr. Jacob Da Costa? I’ve told you about him. He is studying a new condition. It’s what he calls an ‘irritable heart.’I'm going to help him by doing field observations. The stories we receive don't give us enough information. Also, I think I can do real good out there.”
He went on to describe some of the cases they were studying. The young soldiers returning from war are not acting right. They are fatigued. They suffer form shortness of breath and irregular heart beats even thought their wounds are fully healed.
He wants me to understand everything so I know just how important his work is. I don't want to understand!
I don't want him to go…not to war…not now.
Everyone is so tense all the time. Father is constantly thinking about the war and politics, Mother gets anxious about the smallest things, Milly is troubled by her age (though she will not admit it), the Clayton's are worried about keeping the family comfortable, and I am…troubled.
Miss. Elizabeth Whetherby
A photograph found amongst the pages of the diary is thought to be Miss. Elizabeth Whetherby. Experts believe it was taken sometime after her disappearance. The book she is holding is the same diary recently found.
Mrs. Josephine Whetherby
In the wake of her daughter's sudden disappearance, Josephine Whetherby became a recluse.
Miss. Milly Whetherby
Elizabeth's older sister and last person to see her.
Mr. Elijah Bradshaw
One among four men that were questioned by the authorities. Reportedly, he was a frequent guest of Miss. Whetherby's.
Mr. Wilhelm Whetherby
Mr. Wilhem Whetherby is the father of the missing girl.
The Whetherby Home
Elizabeth was last seen in her room on the left end of the house.
Dr. Willaim Darion
A well-respected Doctor in the Eadenwood District and Fiance to Miss. Elizabeth Whetherby.
The Claytons
Joshua and Elva Clayton, long-time employees of the Whetherby family.